You know when you skin your outter knuckle? It doesn't happen but once in a great while, unless you are accident prone to that sort of thing, but when it's rubbed off raw, it hurts.
It's like you never felt the pain before.
You can't bend it without it hurting.
It takes a couple days before your skin has time to heal.
A scab forms over the wound.
You can start bending it, little by little.
Soon enough, you don't even remember it happened.
Just a small twinge of stink remains.
But it gets better.
It heals.
It always does.
That's the only good way of describing life up until this point.
You know what I don't get the most of the time?
t i m i n g
I think I reiterate that a lot.
Goofy love songs, sea of weddings, friends exasperatingly twitterpated with each other-- yeah, that doesn't help my case either.
But I'm not complaining.
Just.... sighing.
Lord help me.
Shoot. My mind doesn't revolve around this topic 24/7. But hey, I'm a lady & my heart just wants to find my love song. Reminds me of "Enchanted," and Giselle says to her Prince Charming, "to find my love's duet," or something romantized like that.
I don't think I'm... an un-desirable person. I make friends rather easy, I'm a big people-person, my heart hurts for others who are hurting-- I just am me. I have a lot of passions, desires, and interests. I guess I just don't understand what I'm missing. I guess I could pry into that can of worms that is labeled "Insecurities," but I won't. I've come way too far to believe in the lies that I'm where I'm at because there is something "wrong" with me.
I just can't help but wonder though. How come I haven't found my "love's duet." Yes, that sounds overly chintzy, but I'm a girl and I'm allowed to say those things once a month....or something like that.
I just look around and that's all I see. It sure does tug on your heartstrings, does it not? It's like I had this beautiful red heart-shaped balloon on a string, and for whatever reason, the wind snatched it from my grasp; and now I'm slowly watching it fade into the blue-lit sky, floating away from me. Is that what it means to give up your desire? Just let it float away from you? Let go? I just don't know. I know that God has someone really amazing for me that I'm just going to be blown away-- or maybe, that balloon will be blown back into my reach, for me to grab onto and never let go. But when will that happen?
Questions without answers.
And you know what's even more ironic about timing?
Just when you least expect the unexpected happens.
Your mind is flashed with an array of possibilities.
You see something so desirable, so made for you.
But is it yours this time to keep?
I'm literally blown away this time.
And it's not even something I would have looked at before.
But, if it's not right...
Then why is it even here, looming over my heart? Teasing it?
I just want nothing to do with it if it's wrong.
I don't NEED another detour! No more crooked ways.
I want the straight, right path.
So is this it?
Once again, I need help understanding the signs on a road I don't know where it leads.
