Wednesday, December 30, 2009

reading.reflection

I just read this wonderful post.

I love when writing affects me in this way.

Zephaniah 3:17~"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."



"If our attention is on who or what we want rather than on God's desire for us, we will miss out on hearing his best for us..."



Our confidence and our hope should come from who we are in Christ—
firstand foremost.
It's what you and I
simply must cling to, so that we are not
living in despair

and so that our lives
(hearts and minds) will be open and free to be
available for what
God wants to do in and through our lives.

I know it is hard. I am there right now, too.
But I must tell you that in this
dry season,
long though it may be,
I have grown closer
in my walk with the Lord.
And he has worked
in my life to correct and to change,
to push me out of my
comfort zone and
to help others. What a source of comfort
and hope he is to me
in times when I am weak and
feel unloved! I am thankful
for how he has blessed my life
and drawn
me closer to him during this time period.

Whether or not you are being pursued, whether or not
you
have a boyfriend, whether or
not you are on the
track to getting married, it
does
not define who you are
or your value or what your
purpose is here on earth.
Remember that.
Remember that you are created in God's image.
I'll say it again: He made you in
his image (Genesis 1:26-27).
He sent his Son to earth for you (
John 1:1-4).
He has pursued you
since the beginning of time
and continues to
constantly pursue YOU
and wants relationship with you
and desires to show you his love (
Zephaniah 3:17).

Believe that. Savor it.
Hold on to it each and every time you feel frustrated and
dejected as a single woman.

God loves you, he has a plan for you (even when you
don't understand—
Ecclesiastes 11:5) and he is
working it out for
his
good so that he may be glorified in you. Let his light
shine in your life, and I
promise you that you will
most definitely feel loved and will certainly glow.


....my gum tastes like your cigar.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

these.days

"Is it any wonder that I feel afraid?"

So many thoughts.

My heart hurts a lot tonight.

I think it's an accumulation of things building up.

And frankly,

I just miss you.

And I don't even know who you are [or could be].

I just want you here, right now.

This longing.

It hurts. It wants to be found.

But Lord, you ask me to come with you. To arise to the occasion. To take heart. To not worry about anything. To trust. To be patient. To wait.

I'm waiting. It just hurts. And that's okay. It really is.

The longing is so strong.
But I'm preparing.
So I can be the woman he needs.
The woman you need me to be.
I long for you.

I long for Heaven even more.

...the days go by, and I'm writing it all down so I don't forget. I know I'll be seeing you. And when I close my eyes, I'll be anywhere you are... I wish you were here with me now...

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

tip.of.the.iceberg

...I'll travel the sub-zero tundra, I'll brave glaciers and frozen lakes. And that's just the tip of the iceberg, I'll do whatever it takes... Snow drifts build up and enfold us, As we wait out this winter storm...


And I'll do whatever it takes while I wait for [you].




I love how music so specifically sings the words that we're thinking.
I love how each season brings something new and desirable.
But I don't love the scrapes and bruises that get you where you need to be.
Not in the least bit.

I just know surrender is hard, scary, may leave you battered and bruised...
But it's all for the greater good of your heart.
Pruning away the bad, revealing the good underneath.
It is a season of growth.

We shed the summer sun and warm comforts.
We enter the cold tundra of winter.
We are mere skeletons in our form.
Now all we are left with is bare skin.
So vulnerable to the chilling winds that want to freeze our hearts.
What do we do?
Allow it to stun our growth?
Or do we hibernate in our inner dwellings,
Fixing what is battered & bruised,
And nursing the wounds of yesterday?

If we keep them close,
Provide shelter from the winter storm,
There it will grow & form underneath
The deep dwellings.

Soon the winter will be over,
And that what we made under
Will be bursting at its seams
Waiting to be free.
And there,
That's where we'll shine bright & beautiful.

We just have to wait,
Be patient,
Trust that it will all come together.

I know it's really hard for me to see that. It just feels like winter will never pass, that my beauty will never be shown to another, that this season of being a bare, vulnerable skeleton won't ever look beautiful in the spring. But I press forward, lighting up those fiery insecurities/lies so they burn away. Beauty for ashes.

There is a deep longing to be noticed, admired, cherished, and fought for; it's how we as women were made. We want a man to dare and win us over. But we should not awaken love until it is ready. We must remain "asleep" in the slumber of winter. In it, we can grow, mature, and flower when spring comes. We must not let winter stun our growth for beauty. We must not allow the beliefs spoken to us that we're not worth it, to harbor deep within our roots-- because that will only hinder us from being who God created us to be-- A God-fearing, virtuous woman.

What may that look like? We've all heard about the "Proverbs 31" Woman-- But what does that REALLY mean?
Here are my thoughts.
1. Back in that time, women were mere "ornamental" hangings on their man. Ah, enter into the "winter-esque" thought. So, they weren't really deemed as much. [But oh, WE ARE!]. A virtuous woman was worth far more than rubies. And gems were worth a lot. So what does that say? A woman was seen more precious than the jewels, because she was SEEN as a jewel. Pretty great, huh?
2. So as we're pruning away the bad, we're allowing the good to grow in its place. And what do we want for our man? We want to encourage & build him up, don't we? So as our goodness grows, so can his. A virtuous woman will bring good & not harm the man she loves. He won't regret being with you. He will see you as his jewel. Bonus for him.
3. Being a virtuous woman is being able to work hard & take care of our own needs. Now, I'm not totally promoting women liberation, "You go girl! You don't need a man!" kind of mentality. Although, that in itself I don't believe is bad--when it doesn't get out of hand. As a woman, we want to subtly seduce [in a pure manner] the man, and encourage him to LEAD us. And that to say, a man doesn't want a woman who can't do anything on her own, that much I know. BUT, he does want to be able to help us, because that is his role as a man whom has "come to rescue us." What good is it if we tell him what to do next?
4. A virtuous woman will do things in secret. She cultivates her heart in the dark. I see this as a wonderful time during singleness. It may seem dark & dreary at best, but in that time, we can grow and mature. See a pattern forming? And thus doing it, we will be able to provide for our family some day from our growth back when we were singles. It's all about using your time. I am figuring this out, too as I go. We plant the seeds that we may not see flourish until years to come. So plant away in the secret. Cultivate them. Watch them grow.
5. God made us strong! Think about what good things he has given us as women. We can endure so many things. Let us remember to not lean on our own understanding, but lean your heart on God's. He will give you the strength to move on, grown, and become who you were meant to be. He will give us wisdom in our suffering, he will guide us when we feel our light has gone out. He is preparing us RIGHT NOW!
6. One big thing that I feel may get over-looked is being kind & gentle. I feel like the big thing spoken to women these days is to be this outspoken, "go get your man, girl!" mentality. Really? I feel that has been spoken to me numerous times in subtle ways that grow into big ways and change my direction. The way we attract the men [as I feel], is to be kind & gentle--showing our sensitive femininity. I tend to be bold in my ways, like I feel Ruth & Esther were-- not sure what the outcome might be-- but they TRUSTED God. They knew he would not lead them astray. So, in their gentle & kind, yet bold ways... the men in their lives took notice, and furthermore, respected & admired their femininity to be just that. But they waited for their response.
7. A BIG BIG thing here is showing your man [or possible man] respect. In your actions, in the way you present yourself, in your speech; however you bring attention to yourself to a man, do it respectfully. Being a virtuous woman has learned the difference in what that means. She brings him HONOR by doing such a thing. And the men out there, praise this kind of woman. Let her know what you see. This will encourage her in enormous ways. She will continue to flourish by your sincere words. You are helping a woman grow and be the woman she should be for you, or even some other man out there. He will appreciate your encouraging words!
8. Showing joy. It's easy to allow our feelings to control the mood of our days. "Man, I'm so down... such-n-such happened today." Or, "I just got this fantastic letter in the mail, I'm so happy!" I have my down days, I have my really good days-- and when I'm feeling either way, I question why... is it because of joy? Or is it merely based on the "feelings?" Keep them in check-- JOY is something that we experience in our hearts. That isn't dependent on the outside circumstances. [Check out 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18].

I could continue on and on. But lastly I want to say to all the women out there, YOU are worth far more than the jewels in this world, you are WORTH pursuing by a Godly man who wants the best for you; STOP settling for mediocre, stop believing the lies that are being fed to you that you are not WORTH the wait, you are not WORTH being pursued, and any other LIE that seeps into your heart. Goodness, this road has been so difficult for me [with believing these lies about myself]. I'm telling you RIGHT NOW, prayerfully talk to God about what you've been believing, and listen to him speak to you. I know he will. He spoke clearly to me, telling me how much he desired ME, loved ME, treasured ME, saw me as this beautiful JEWEL, and sees me as WORTH pursuing-- ALL of my days. How remarkable is that? And to think I wasn't worth it.
But we are. WE ARE. Who cares if "Joe Blow" doesn't notice us. It's truly his loss for being so blind. He isn't worth your time. I firmly believe that if you are single right now, [like myself], it is for a reason, it is for a season. I don't know how long that will be for you [or myself], but I am TRUSTING and being patient [or at least trying to be!] for when he makes my path straight, and the path of another. And when that happens, he will merge the two straighten baths that were crooked, and it will all make sense. We will be able to see the journey he had us on that led straight to that moment. How wonderful. How overwhelming.

So, this is what I tell myself. It's hard and hurts some days, but it will be worth the wait. You are worth it, that is all I know. So don't give up hope. I am not. We walk the rest of the way together. We can encourage one another. We can chisel away the tip of the iceberg together. We'll get to the core of who we were created to be.

So, are you with me?