Saturday, June 28, 2008

.pure.reflection.

My friend stuck out the verse John 17:3 the other night... it didn't pop out at me like some verses, but I decided to read John 15, 16, 17 to gather more of a whole picture. And these passages definitely "popped" out at me...

John 16:

31"You believe at last!" Jesus answered. 32"But a time is coming, and has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. 33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

~It's funny to me how... it was even hard for Jesus' disciples to believe in him... & the people who lived in the time Jesus did.... and he was right there walking, talking, teaching, guiding them in the flesh. Hm... just struck me... & knowing all things Jesus said/taught... he wanted to give us peace about it... often for me, I tend to forget & start worrying or not trusting. But it's true... it is Truth... He has overcome the world. What a powerful statement!

~I'm not sure why that passage stuck out the way it did. That happens though... something we see differently than a time before!
Also this...

John 17:

22 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: 23 I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. 24"Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. 25"Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. 26 I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."


~I think that is so powerful... the prayer Jesus had for us. We could only know the love of the Father through Jesus, and in him, we fully know that Love.... amazing! I love it.
~I've been having a sort of calming revelation about certain things recently. I feel at peace about something that had been constantly tugging at my heart. I don't know what that peace means... but I'm hoping for the best outcome from it. I know God is faithful... I know God is true... I know he wants the best for me... and obviously he knows the timing in everything.

No other knows me like you do.

Monday, June 23, 2008

.plain.hope.

"He made you feel plain when he forgot your name... Let me tell you something, I have felt the same...I know you're in pain... God- He made you beautiful, and there's nothing about you that's plain...."



There always comes a time where I feel nothing but plain.
I feel that I'm not their type.
I feel insecure of who I am.
I feel that I can't measure up to their standards of beauty.
Am I beautiful?
Am I worthy of love?
Am I really anything but plain?

Why does she capture the attention of the crowd,
Why do all the guys admire her from afar,
And want to get to know her?
But there is something about her that they don't see,
She feels plain, she feels used, she feels bitter, but she'll entertain you and be your muse.

I look your way,
But you just smile and say,
You're my friend,
You're my sister,
You're just not the type,
I'd want for a wife....

There are many days I feel this way & feel the pain of not feeling what those other girls get to feel. Why do they get to have someone that cares for them, puts them before their own needs, and really respects them for who they are? Why am I not being pursued?

Then smart-girl mode comes in & sets my insecure mind straight.
"Just shut up already."
You are a beautiful person inside & out... you are a princess so set apart, that guys just don't appreciate what you are, and are not out to get someone hard, they want someone easy. So don't settle for less than what you deserve. You are precious. You are worth more than anything that they desire to seek from you. Hold out. Hold on. Don't give up on the dream. If anything, it suits you well. There has always been something internally desirable about you. Something breath-taking that is yet to be discovered. Keep it hidden. Keep it near. Have your heart so close to the Lord's. He will always protect, always love, and always perservere.

But oohh... insecure-girl likes to pop her head out again....
How do I know is it worth the wait? How do I know some guy will even think I'm desirable to pursue? Why do I care so much? Why can't I just trust?
The heart grows stronger or fonder... but how much can one take? The pain of waiting is a burden that isn't light. What am I really waiting for? Who is it that holds another part of me? Is it really going to be all I ever dreamed?

:You are a jewel, you are a treasure, you are one of a kind. And you shine just as bright as the stars in the sky. You are a rare kind of wonder, created just right... so keep your head up no matter the pain... there's nothing about you that's plain:
Right now I sit here... wondering.
It's hard to be content with where you're at when where you are at is not where you'd hope you'd be by now. There's a lot to sort through. I know I'm real in who I am. I know I'm not plain. I know I'm one of a kind. I know I have a lot to offer. I love giving.... giving advice, praise, love, guidance. I love being... just that. I don't have anyone I need to impress. I am just me. If that's not someone's type, then I guess that is just too bad for them.
I'm tired of waiting.
And I mean, I'm tired of waiting for a desire that I really want no part of.
I'm tired of hoping for something.
But I'm grateful I've come this far.
I'm holding out for so much more.
I hope he's doing the same.
So about being plain?
No...
Just Beauty.
There's always beauty in the wait.