so many things on my mind

The world keeps changing. . . friends, family, school, environment... hmmm.

More and more, I realize how much I need to feed off of the Bible and its teachings. I should know a lot.. should I not? But in reality, I only know what I figured I needed at that time. I am far.. far from perfect. Sometimes I wonder how I am displayed to the rest of the world... to my family and friends... to even strangers.

Isn't it kind of bad when we automatically lock our doors [our house, car, etc] because we are afraid something bad might happen? Doesn't that say something of our world?

Do you think that in order to be able to fix the external things of the world like consumerism, that one must be in check with their own salvation and sins BEFORE they can actually take care of the rest of the world? What good is a man to the world if he cannot even help himself? Just a thought.
If it makes sense in some way... it's not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.. but if the doctor [person of the world] is sick himself, what good can is he? SO the doctor must be healthy in regards to helping the rest of the sick [world]. Right?


I often wonder what life might have been like if I didn't believe in God--Jesus Christ-- and was living life in lust and debauchary. All I know is... people who used to live that way and found God... tell me that they regret their past.. their mistakes... and wish they were as "pure" as the ones who have found Christ before they could mess up their life.
And sometimes I think I have it bad.
There is no way I should be saying my life "sucks."
But we all have bad days.
We all want close relationships.
We all just want to be loved.

s e p a r a t e d.

may we gain patience in this time of waiting.

sunsets and broken rings

Yeah, maybe it's just me, but I really don't understand this site at all.... like, you can't see if people have updated [like xanga]...so, maybe it's just not for me... I thought I had to make one of these sites to comment people [but I didn't]. SO-- what do I need xanga, myspace, AND this site for??? the world may never know....

I wish I were just like... a wife/mom or something where I wouldn't have ever known about blogging...

yeah... or maybe not.

isn't it kind of a weird idea... being a wife/mom AND still blogging?? like... what do you write about???
"my kid just had the dirtiest diaper EVER! It reeked up to the high heavens!! I thought I was gonna keel over!!!!"

like, really?

By the time I get married [Lord willing!], I hope I'll be done with constant blogging and actually have a life...

haha, that is like an insult to everyone,... myself included.

Ok... so not much is going on anyway... Once I'll post this, I'll forget how I did post and search all over and use that non-helpful "Help" tool provided on here....

Uh... so I 'lost' my favorite [mostly cuz it's the sparkliest] ring... Somehow, it came out of my pocket of my vest as I got out of my car to hurry over to chapel [which was at the seminary]. Needless to say, I was checking my pockets while I was in my night class [photography]... and low and behold... it was GONE! In shock... I decided just to leave class to go look for it... Meh, who cares... I need to find my ring! I thought. Yup, I do in fact think...
So anyway... I'm so glad I did, but I was sad too, because I didn't bring my purse w/me [meaning I didn't have my license while driving... oops], AND I didn't have my camera!!! I saw the most GORGEOUS sunset ever.... man... I am so mad I didn't have my camera... it was like this deep orange sun.. then the top layer was a deep magenta... then a red-violet color... on top of that was the cloud line... amazing.
Maybe I was meant to see that sunset...
I just kind of stood there for a moment... realizing... how utterly small I really am compared to everything. Things like that just move me to words that I cannot describe... it was just... what I needed to see... I know it makes no sense at all... maybe it's my artistic soul.... and I must say... I am a deep person behind my dumb blonde exterior... sometimes I wish I presented that side of me more... I think people don't take me too seriously... maybe because I hardly ever act serious... but honestly... I'm not stupid. And sometimes I think people treat me like I have half a brain.
Anyway--
Ah, I hurried over to the seminary to look for my ring... I looked and looked... still no where to be found... I decided to go walk up towards the building, thinking... MAYBE it was there... [too bad I didn't park right close to the building]... anyway, I FOUND IT! Then I checked it out... and yes... realized... it got run over... :-( I counted 7 'crystals' were missing from it... a couple looked 'crushed.' The ring was from NY & CO, and I only paid like... $4.99 or something for it... so not a HUGE loss.. but still... that is still money gone... kinda sucks. But what can ya do? Maybe I'll try returning it... Ha!
Yea, I'm Dutch.