emotions.

"God is considered ultimate healer, his time shall heal all of your broken wounds, and he shall make you bear nothing that you cannot handle. Hold your head high in his strength and you will be healed and wrapped in his love endlessly."

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
Until it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye...

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Until they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye...

Sometimes, I wonder if this is what love will look like. "It's just a feeling and no one knows yet... but just because they can't feel it too, doesn't mean that you have to forget."

I so want to forget everything I feel.

I feel like that's so much easier than dealing with this unrequited love.

I could question so many things; mostly about myself.

Every where I go, I'm reminded of what I don't have...

But also reminded of what I do have.

"You're beautiful... every time I see you... you just glow."

It brings tears to my eyes thinking of this right now. I know it's because of Christ's love that he radiates in me... and people will just come out and say they think I'm beautiful... well, I don't always feel that way...

Actually... it's often that I don't... and I seem so surprised that people say this to me.

It's not me they see, it's Christ in me.

How am I even qualified to be this?

I'm such a broken piece of pottery. I don't understand how I'm found beautiful; but I am.

Over and over again.

Little reminders, every where.

My heart's desire is to be loved, and to be loved in return.

It reminds me so much of the story, "Beauty & the Beast."

So often, I just feel like the Beast... how could anyone learn to love me?

But in the end, my rose doesn't die, it lives.

And the Beauty sees me as for who I am;

someone worth loving.

someone worth waiting for.

someone worth.... it. everything.

I'll come back, back to these feelings... the longing for love.

It's just a feeling that they don't know yet.

Lord knows, when they will know...

because I surely don't.

I don't want to feel this way anymore.

God help me.

My emotions get the best of me.

I guess you've saved the best for last...

I just wish it wasn't so far away.

How do you just be OK with it?

How do you just stare it in the eyes, and watch it walk away?

"you were my sweetest downfall, I loved you first, I loved you first."

I guess I'm beginning to understand how much it hurts when something you love, doesn't love you back... even when you love it with everything you have.

deserts into gardens.

I won't give up on the chance for you to blow my mind.

In time will I be what you're thinking of?

So rescue me from hanging on this line.

I've been thinking a lot... and you know what thinking does to your mind?

It mushes it into something sloppy and unformed.

Desire gets the best of you.

How come I can't have what I think I need?

As time normally does, it makes sense. The eleventh hour soon comes and passes, and you come to see that everything you had hoped for, everything you had dreamed for, really mean nothing at all.

It's a brand new day.

Rescue me from hanging on....

It's funny how you think that you have everything together, just to realize you have so much farther to go. But that's okay. It really is okay...

I was reminded of James 1:2-4... To be mature and to not lack any understanding- to persevere- because that's what trials should do. It should make us into something better.

I want to lack nothing.

And be everything I need to be.

I'm so close, but so far away.

But then again, I'm joyful in this. In what God has made me to be. My perseverance has led me to be something I never imaged.

He found the garden that I deserted.

He took my dry land and poured water upon it. over and over again.

Little by little, the green grass grew...

A beautiful picture of redemption.

My garden started to blossom and bloom.

The fragrance of his love was in the midst of it all.

His kind eyes and gentle heart was written all over it.

How overjoyed he must be to see my desert form into a beautiful garden.

I must keep and tend to it, to persevere when the droughts and storms try to destroy what he made. To find shelter in his love. To run to him when I can do no more.

To understand.

To lack nothing.

Because a lot of times, I think too much. I sit in the corner of my garden and idly watch the weeds grow and overshadow the beautifulness that he formed within me.

I forget and grow weary. I cry out in my hurt, because I don't understand.

My own roses grow thorns that prick me... when all I need to do is let HIM cut them away.

He knows.

I don't need to constantly sit in that corner and watch everything turn back into dust.

Again.

He knows...

He'll guide the way for someone to see my beautiful garden in all its splendor.

And when he does, it will be made beautiful in its time.

Maybe he's got a garden of his own to tend right now.

Or maybe I'm patiently waiting for something that is not good for me.

But He knows.

Everything.

The seed of worry can grow and bury its roots deep; but God's love will pull out any seeds of remembrance that worry even existed.

I'm hoping and waiting.

It's a beautiful thing as I watch my garden grow and blossom into something I never quite pictured...

Some day, you'll discover my secret garden... the way I found it too.

Some times, all you have to do is keep on growing... because chances are, it's been there all this time... you just had to grow a little taller in order to see it.

I'm not sure what you're molding me into, but that's okay; You are the potter and I am the clay. Change this something normal into something beautiful.