.hard.to.forget.

"I'm tired of wasting all my time
My heart is hanging on the line
Is it my heart or someone else?
Sitting on a shelf."


It's hard to forget your first love. There is a simplistic feeling of airy emotions that drifts around your head, enlightening your spirit with the sound of their voice. Your internal motions start to flutter in a rush to the finish line. Your senses are filled with an overwhelming sense of pure bliss. You long to hold on to this moment and bottle it up, because sometimes... it just won't last.

I've put my heart out on the line more than I wish I had- - but I've learned something about myself. I give until there's nothing left. It isn't about me anymore; and with giving purely, I have witnessed an unselfish pattern within myself that continues to get replenished over and over again so I can give love away, freely and with no strings attached.

I'd say there comes a time in everyone's lives to where they feel that they've fallen in love with "the one." I've never had the opportunity to feel this; a part of me sighs in relief from saving myself the potential heartbreak of a unrequited love, but another part of me aches for not knowing what it feels like...

Things have happened in my life within the last year that made me feel like that "finding the one" would happen. Excitedly the thoughts bounced around in my mind, praying for that some day to be some day really soon. Well, unfortunately moments in my life lasted less than a flicker, and a case of a love bi-polar was my last diagnosis. But you know, who needs someone that is hot and then cold? I certainly do not need someone like that who doesn't know what they want. [Thanks Katy Perry to your very catchy song lyrics.]

This is me, this is real, and I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. I'm hoping to find the missing piece that I long to see. It's all around me; love. Friends & family whom are getting married to their sweethearts-- it's so beautiful to see two paths forming one-- something planned in such a timely manner that only God could design so perfectly in an imperfect world.

Isn't love beautiful in it's time?




:So I'll wait 'til kingdom come.
All the highs and lows are gone.
A little bit longer and I'll be fine.
I’ll be fine...:

.just here.

..."I miss the way, the way you used to look at me and say, 'it's just you and me,' & I knew you meant it..."


And here I am, at the crossroads...-To look back, I had been stuck in this big hole I dug; content playing in the mud while the storms poured down. I didn't want to attempt to climb out to see what else was there, even when a ladder was provided. I didn't care what was out there; or maybe I did, I was just too scared to find out. Finally, God directed my attention out of the hole, and I climbed out to see this beautiful, colorful sunrise. It was a new day. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It was then I knew God desired much more from me, and he desired my attention. A door that had been locked was wide open, and all I have to do now is to trust... and learn to let God be in control of everything, even when I don't understand. So here I am...