When we have something in front of us that we are unsure of, we keep it around because we still like the attention. Eventually, when that stops, we're left standing there with nothing; Then we decide that it's what we wanted.
Is it really what we wanted, or was it just the idea of it that we liked?
It boils down to this:
We want what we can't have & then we miss out on something that is right in front of us. Why?
These are my current thoughts that surfaced lately. I was thinking of a situation last year that I went through with a guy who was interested in me. It happened rather unexpectedly, and it threw me off. I knew right away that he liked me, but I wasn't feeling it right away. We still hung out a lot, & I loved the attention. I wasn't too sure about him, but he seemed like a good guy & we had fun. So overtime, we got to know one another. Then, out of nowhere [from my perspective], he just stopped being interested. I was frozen. I didn't know what happened or how we got there. I was thrown for a loop. Then I took a look at the situation, and saw how much I liked him.
Or so I thought.Now, looking back on the situation, I don't think I ever really liked him. Not the way one should. I think the initial affect hit me so hard, that I saw I had something, then that normalcy of the attention from this guy disappeared without my consent. I believe I was not missing him as a person, for who he was, but rather, I was missing the idea of someone being interested in me.
BIG DIFFERENCE.You don't see that until after the fact. And maybe you never do notice it.
We always want what we can't have. You like someone, but you know they're not into you. Yet what do you do? You still pine for them. Why? What is it about that that remains so appealing? Because it's not healthy, I'll tell you that much.
I had something with this guy, but I truthfully knew it was NOT right from the beginning. But I thought I was just being too critical. Truth was, I should have trusted my gut. But I craved the attention he was pouring out to me. I did not want
THAT to stop. But it did, and I did not know what to do after it was gone. Therefore, I thought I liked him a lot. I tried to persuade him. I thought he was so right for me. But, he wasn't.
And a year later, wow. God knew this guy would just be a learning experience for me. I see now why it happened the way it did, in some ways. And I can honestly say, I am thankful. I always felt God speaking to me saying, "let go & let me be in control." At the time, I thought it meant that the timing was just off. Nope. Not that, at least not in the way I thought. I don't want something of my own demands, because I clearly don't know what I fully need like God does. And God knew he was not right for me, but he was definitely placed in my life at the right time to learn something about myself and what I desire... This kind of a guy was on track to what I wanted, but he wasn't what I needed.
All these crashing waves of emotions turn to still waters. Things will be made clear to me as to why things are the way they are. I may not understand my circumstances right now or what I've been through, but it's all for a reason.
Everything has lead up to this exact moment. I know deep down what I want & need in a spouse, and what I should be for him. I'm always growing, so that will never stop. But I'm becoming someone I need to be for this man. I am so excited for the day when our paths cross at the right time. Not to say I don't know him right now, but obviously for one reason or another, it hasn't happened yet--romantically. Maybe we're establishing a friendship to have something to build on. I could see that right now. And I think that's amazing. God has some plan. He keeps showing me these amazing guys, and has thrown in some who have been interested in me; but I'm holding out for the real deal.
Patience. Trust. I shouldn't worry that this guy won't "take notice of me" right now, because God has everything planned. He will bless us, he won't hold back from us.
I just know that sometimes we don't see something right away, for whatever reason, and unexpectedly our eyes open. Our hearts are revealed and see something special in another person that we didn't see before. And it wasn't because they liked us first & stopped liking us.
It isn't rooted in
fear, but it's rooted in
love. That's when you know it's real.
"And all this time, it was staring me blind.
I can't believe I never noticed my heart before" -mutemath
