where's the joy?

"2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." - James 1:2-4

I had been feeling a great sense of joy as of late... I could call it happiness, but that is so temporal.
I think the discovery of finding myself in the Lord, knowing that I am enough, that I am beautiful, that my heart is good... those things have made me feel a great sense of joy within.
I wish this feeling always stayed near to my heart, but I'm not sure how to keep it there long-term.
My heart always seems so fickle.

I feel like I'm an addict for love... or falling for people.
I was thinking about this more recently. It seems to be a pattern. {I hate admitting this, but it's true}.
I think about the past few guys I have been interested in... Looking at them, I see a lot of similarities, but they all were so different. It's kind of funny, because 3 out of the 5 are involved with film/acting, one is a musician, and the other is a free-spirited soon-to-be missionary.
The most recent one, I fell for hard. We became best friends... I had never quite felt this way about anyone. I really cannot describe it. [And I know I'm not the only girl who has fallen in this same way for him... I'm not sure what that says?]. But my friend recently asked me, "why can't you just be friends with a guy? why do you have to complicate it with all this crap? you do this every time..."

I hated the way she is right... but she just doesn't get it... right? right........ or.... maybe she is right.

I wish I could say I didn't give my heart away to someone who didn't deserve it... but I can't.
I do it over and over and over again...
That doesn't leave God with much, does it??

I struggle with knowing how to not give my heart away... I don't want to build up walls... it took me THIS long to tear them all down.
But I guess I need to do a better job with hiding it... behind God's protection. Because if my heart is hidden in God, then that man will have to seek HIM to find me... yes?
And that's what I want.
I want him to seek me out, because I placed my trust and hidden beauty in Christ.

I read this statement on a friend's page...

"The idea of the "soul mate" does not appear anywhere in the Bible. Not once. God did not create a man specifically for the purpose of making me happy. Relationships, therefore, have nothing to do with "destiny" or our romantic, americanized notions of "the one." It's about making the choice to love each other as Christ loves. That's it."

I'd have to say, that's what it's all about. If you find someone who inspires, encourages, loves, respects, and wants the best for you, take time to develop what is there. And really, it is about loving each other like Christ.

So you know what? That's what I'm waiting for. It's hard... it hurts sometimes to be like, "why is it taking so long? when will he notice me?" But maybe spending so much time on wanting it, will make it even longer to get there because you're focused on the wrong stuff. I'm telling myself this too. I don't want to continue to wonder, "what did he mean by this?" "when he said this, did that mean he's interested?" I'm over-thinking it once again... the pattern just keeps on repeating. I need to stop. I need to look with different eyes.
It always seems "different." I always say that... "he's different."
And you know what? It is true.
And then I think, "I can't imagine anyone else better for me..."
And that's true as well... for the moment.
And then I realized, it is different. it is better. every time. and I learn from each situation.
And when I think I won't get over him, time tells me otherwise.
I hope this time, it won't just be a pattern, it won't just be a different face- same situation;
I hope that the light that is guiding me here will shine bright and I won't have to wait any longer.

Some day, he'll see me. And it will be right.

My joy is made complete in You.
Help me follow this through...

Nehemiah 8:10 “…Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."

We can have the JOY of the Lord and it is our STRENGTH also. How cool is that?

Psalm 54:4 Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me.

Base your happiness on God who is our source for everything, and let the people in your life be just that—flawed, imperfect and 100% human. You’ll be surprised at how much stress is removed from your relationships when you do this.