unfading beauty

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.
-Zephaniah 3:17

And it all comes down to this.

I wasn't prepared.

The funny thing about timing is that it never makes sense. The people you encounter, that never makes sense either.

But it always works out the way it was supposed to.

When we cry from the depths of our heart, to thinking we're not "good enough," & that what we store and cultivate in our hearts isn't worth anything, oh how the Lord cries for us. I know He does.

I have been tormenting my heart with lies and untruths.

For so long... and I believed every word.

I want to stop this. I hurt myself when I do it.

I literally cried out so much from the depths of my heart last week.

The prime ache radiated throughout, thinking that what I have going on, isn't worth anything.

What I've become isn't worth the hassle- - because no one even notices.

They completely overlook what I have to offer, and go for someone who by appearance standards, has me "beat."

How incredibly hurt that makes me.

I thought, who really cares what I have to offer, because apparently their appearance overshadows anything that could be seen within me.

And a girl I don't really know said I was on her mind all day long; she wasn't sure why... but she came across this verse:

1 Peter 3:4 -"Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."

How did I lose sight of what was important?

I honestly don't know.

And that is what is most important. What God sees.

WHO cares what man thinks.

If that's the way it's going to be, then I have nothing left to say.

Because God sees my heart for what it is, what it is becoming, and what is in store.

And that is something no one can take from me, unless I let the lies dwell underneath to take it away.

I know my heart is good. Yes I fail so many times. But I want to keep that unfading beauty... that he redeemed.

Perhaps my gentle and quiet spirit is just that- it's quiet, it goes unnoticed to most.

But God- you see it. You always have.

And you always will.

it's just one of those days...

after.shock

I realized that you play some strange game.
You know how I feel, and perhaps that was wrong to be so honest.
I don't understand why you remind me of him,
And that kind of scared me.
Maybe I've been in denial for far too long,
Because I thought I saw something worth while.

I still don't know.
Why you make me feel the way you do.

After-all,

You're just a boy.

I need a man who is going to pursue my heart,

because I'm worth so much.

And more.

A Little Bit of Light

This was found in a devotional book called "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. I deem it quite appropriate in my life right about now.

April 1:
I am calling you to a life of constant communion with Me. Basic training includes learning to live above your circumstances, even while interacting on that cluttered plane of life. You yearn for a simplified lifestyle, so that your communication with Me can be uninterrupted. But I challenge you to relinquish the fantasy of an uncluttered world. Accept each day just as it comes, and find Me in the midst of it all.
Talk with Me about every aspect of your day, including your feelings. Remember that your ultimate goal is not to control or fix everything around you; it is to keep communing with Me. A successful day is one in which you have stayed in touch with Me, even if many things remain undone at the end of the day. Do not let your to-do list [written or mental] become an idol directing your life. Instead, ask My spirit to guide you moment by moment. He will keep you close to Me.
[1 Thessalonians 5:17; Proverbs 3:6]


April 2:
I have promised to meet all your needs according to My glorious riches. Your deepest, most constant need is for My peace. I have planted Peace in the garden of your heart, where I live; but there are weeds growing there too: pride, worry, selfishness, unbelief. I am the Gardener, and I am working to rid your heart of those weeds. I do My work in various ways. When you sit quietly with me, I shine the Light of my Presence directly into your heart. In this heavenly Light, Peace grows abundantly and weeds shrivel up. I also send trials into your life. When you trust Me in the midst of trouble, Peace flourishes and weeds die away. Thank Me for troublesome situations; the Peace they can produce far outweighs the trials you endure.
[Philippians 4:19--actually the WHOLE chapter is so good; 2 Corinthians 4:17]

You know what's interesting, too? I have written entries about the whole garden analogy; and it's so easy to let those "weeds" devour a beautiful garden. You end up not being able to see what is right in front of you. And therefore, you have to dig down deep to reveal what has always been there-- & with God's light, everything will shine and become apparent. It just takes time.
I want to make my garden a beautiful, peaceful place to reside in. I can picture it now... and I can't wait til it springs forth.

And I can't wait to see the same happen for you, too.