There's been a war waging in my heart recently... It's kind of like I've become captive in this state of mind-- of constant negativity and bad feelings. And trying to draw my mind/heart back to old ways... but I won't give in... I've come too far for this to trip me up... and it just gets stronger. He doesn't want me to win, he wants to push me off stage... but guess what? God is there to catch me.... yet his evil still stares me dead in the eye... he hasn't succeeded, and he wants to.
He wants to destroy any love in our hearts. He wants us to feel stupid, insignificant, worthless, not good enough.
But my GOD tells me I am worthy of love, being pursued, and fought for. He sent his SON to die for me, for you, after-all.How incredible is that? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE... I don't deserve it, but he wants me to accept it. He wants to win my heart; so what am I going to do? Give in to all the evil things being spoken into my heart? How long have I believed these lies... for far too long... far too long.
You will not win this fight... you may have "won" some battles, but you will NOT WIN THIS WAR FOR MY HEART.
my friend was praying for me... and was speaking truth into my heart... and peace came... and the thoughts of "honey" came to mind... and also Bethany Dillon's song, "The Kingdom."
Proverbs 24:14
Know also that wisdom is like honey for you: If you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.Proverbs 16:24
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.Psalm 19:10
They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter thanhoney, than honey from the honeycomb."The Kingdom"
It tapped me on the shoulder today when I got home
I saw everything collecting dust
It made me hope there was something more
I pour over pages, desperate to find out why
The cripple at your table has what I'm longing to find
Teach me how to hum it
Because I don't know the words yet
Help me see the light
I'm reaching through the fight
Yahweh, show me the Kingdom
Arms open wide
Death swallowed up by life
Yahweh, show me the Kingdom
Why are some women barren
While the wicked's house is full
The stories never seem to end
Give me evidence I'm not alone
You said the weak would be lifted up
But maybe just not yet
So while I wait in this flesh and blood
I'll learn to lean in
Help me see the light
I'm reaching through the fight
Yahweh, show me the Kingdom
Arms open wide
Death swallowed up by life
Yahweh, show me the Kingdomhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5skY5dCyy4
"Fall into his arms and trust him with your heart he loves you and has good things for you... you're doing a good job and he's proud of the ways you've said yes to him and no to sin. Don't get disappointed in yourself; he loves the process and the journey of winning your heart and maturing you... you're really going to be okay Lauren."
Sunday, 20 February 2011
To be near
"you're gonna start to be exposed, right? you get vulnerable. so you don't wanna be shut down... in order for you to be in a place where you know what opening your life to someone looks like, it means making yourself vulnerable. it's not easy to do... here's the thing: strength and vulnerability are not mutually exclusive. they can coexist. there is tremendous strength in being vulnerable. having the conviction to just keep being real and keep being present, that's what strength looks like. in terms of dating or getting to know someone, it's opening your heart; letting them come in, and discovering some things about you. it's just about trusting yourself to let that come out, and let everyone who's experiencing you be inspired by that."
That last bit just hit me... Wow.
I love the sincerity of Bethany Dillon's music. "Be Near Me"
I follow all the rules
Well, at least I'm trying
Hoping when my days are through
You'll be pleased
I've lived the longest days
Thinking my heart was so bad
Too scared to look in your face
Oh, if only I had
[Bridge:]
And is it alright If I stay here all night
By the shoreline
[Chorus:]
I cannot believe you are angry or unjust
You've done nothing but have compassion on us
So be near me when I've given up
Be near me I'm just like everyone else
We are all hiding
Acting like I have a wealth Of knowledge and peace
But all I've ever wanted
And what men have given their lives for
Is a God who understands my weaknesses
A God that I can love
[Bridge]
[Chorus]
I believe you are good and righteous
You've given me your reckless love
So be near, be near...
...I feel like whenever I feel love from God in a real & genuine way, something or some THING tries to destroy the one thing that I long for- in the truest form. I'm not one to say this, but I really do feel like I've been "attacked" spiritually lately, especially before I go to sleep.
I have never been aware of it as such- & that's what makes the difference, I think. A flood of doubts surface in my heart- & by probability, it makes no sense for my worries. That's how I know what I've been dealing with tries to keep me in a head lock- it's just crazy, & I just want rest.And I just want to talk to you... I'm glad you do too... I feel like a flood gate is going to break wide open; and I don't know if I'm prepared for what is to come...
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