A helicopter is flying over head...
And then wonder sets in...
How often I feel like I'm circling around, carrying something within me that is broken, hurt, and dying.... not knowing if I will crash or land into my destination.
And then, I start listening to the words/lyrics of these songs... I wonder if the artists who sing them really believe it... Do they really believe God is enough, that he has come to save, that he is everything we need?
Because I don't always feel that way...
I think that's natural, but I don't want it to be.
With everything that has been stirring in my heart, how can I doubt things?
I've been sick for over 2 weeks. I didn't feel like doing anything, and just felt tired the whole time. Now I feel like I'm getting back to normal, and I am just READY to see my friends and hug them and smile and laugh and talk!! I feel like I'm a seed in the ground, braving this period of winter, ready to burst through the earth and show everyone who I am!
I kept praying to God to rid the pain I was feeling [since I had a sinus infection- never had one before]. I didn't know how much longer I could endure this pain... but I knew it would be for only a little while longer.... that healing would come in time... and everything would be fine.
Sounds a lot like life.
I don't know what's going on, really. Life is just different than I ever imagined. I'm not where I'd expect myself to be at 25. I figured I'd be married by now, maybe have a child, and have some sort of side job/career.
But I'm single as could be, I don't have any sort of career, and I'm still living at home with my parents.
Gee, sounds great huh?
But maybe there is more there than meets the eye.
I never would be in this place if I had all the other distractions around. And of course, maybe I would get there eventually-- but some people never experience this type of relationship.
It takes a lot of work-- it's been a journey that I am not finished with yet.
And it's funny, when you hear others say how much you have inspired them, and I wouldn't have had that same opportunity to make a difference if I were in any other place but here.
I don't know what that means for me in the long run, but it seems to be revealing itself as I go on...
I encountered God's heart after watching a mini-series on Human Trafficking. Something struck my heart and my soul prayed in a way that I've only experienced one other time. I felt a deep pain and anger that needed to be released. I felt like the word "cages" was being spoken to me, and "Free us."
I have never felt that closeness with the Lord in such a way before in my life.
"Be still & know that I am God."
"Be near to me, and I will be near to you."
My soul longs to be near to you.
A part of me doesn't want to let go, but I feel I already have given it up... maybe it's just the hope for something; I just can't hope anymore... it just isn't good for my heart. But yet, I still want to keep waiting... I'm still adamant... I still want you.
I never wanted to see you go, because when you're in my life, all I ever do is glow...
what am I going to do without you now?
be near. you're all I ever want to know.
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